So won’t you be my neighbor

Just a reminder that I invite you, at any time, to let me know when I’m being a jerk.  Go ahead.  Any time you wish.  But here’s what that means: in return, I reserve the right to tell you that you’re being a jerk.  Deal?  So here goes…

Howdy neighbor,

I know we don’t know each other that well.  I know that, despite that fact, we’ve seen each other in varying states of undress.  That said, you seem like a pretty cool person.  And it seems that you’re a pretty swell neighbor, too, despite not taking the trash to the curb very often and that propensity of yours to slam the door.  (I suppose you could take issue with my singing in the shower at the top of my lungs, so let’s call us square on that front.)  But I have to ask your opinion- or rather, your preference- about something.  You see, I have a dog that eats most anything.  You might think there are limitations to that statement, but… no, not really.  So, when I see him hovering over a pile of broken glass downstairs, directly under your door, I get a little upset.  When I see him trying to eat the cigarette butts in the same area, I am also not pleased.

I am not a detective, but here’s what I think may have happened: someone at your place was drinking and smoking outside and dropped their wine glass from the balcony.  They probably thought, “Whoops! Let me clean that right up,” went back inside to get the broom and dustpan, and then, either had a heart attack, got mugged or was abducted by aliens before they could take care of the mess.  I imagine, by the time they were revived, recovered or returned, they had forgotten all about the cigarette butts and broken glass downstairs.  And that’s cool- I totally understand.  Furthermore, I imagine since our yard is strewn with all kinds of interesting paraphernalia- a downed TV antenna, a rusted basketball goal, a variety of dying potted plants belonging to a former neighbor- it’s easy for a pile of broken glass to go unnoticed.  I mean, we are just renters after all.

But here’s the deal: I don’t like bleeding puppy paws.  And I really don’t want my dumb dog to ingest glass and start bleeding from the inside.  So, it’d be really awesome if that pile of glass could go away.  And maybe the cigarette butts, too, for good measure.  I would do it myself, except that I only have an ‘inside’ broom and don’t really want a bunch of glass in it.  In other words… I don’t want to.  So, here’s my question: Would you prefer I leave you a note about this, knock on your door and tell you, or passive-aggressively blog about it?

Let me know when you have a chance- thanks!

Cheers,

JR

PS: I know I am being a jerk.  No need to tell me this time.

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~ by ladamesansregrets on May 26, 2009.

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