The Fidel Fido Diet

I have recently considered the possibility that my dog, Fidel, is not in fact a dog, but rather, a pig. He eats everything- compulsively and without consideration. So, I have decided to create a list of things (of which I am aware) that Fidel has ingested. Instead of the well-known “Stuff on my Cat,” I shall entitle it “Stuff IN my Dog.”

Stuff IN my Dog:

1. Dog food- This is fairly obvious.
2. Dog treats- Another obvious one.
3. Whole pecans- No, not the actual nut- the whole damn shell and all.
4. The knobs off my cabinet- This is a fairly new development.
5. Trash- Yes, the compost my Depression-era neighbor throws out her kitchen window, much to my chagrin. (Steak bones and all.)
6. Toilet paper- Evidenced by paper shreds strewn around my apartment.
7. Frosty paws- I admit I’m a sucker. Why not have ice cream for dogs?
8. My Anthropologie shirt- Fidel did indeed eat part of my $115 mesh shirt from Anthropologie.
9. Grass- Not entirely abnormal.
10. Pantyhose- Fidel apparently has a thing for nylon.
11. Everything off my kitchen floor- Who needs a vacuum when you have Fidel?
12. My vitamins- I wasn’t quick enough in picking up one I dropped.
13. Toy squirrel- And all its stuffing.
14. Rat poison- The reason I spent this last Christmas Eve in a vet emergency clinic.
15. A whole pack of Orbit gum- This is bad. Sugarless gum contains an ingredient that can kill dogs even in small doses. Fortunately, with his cast-iron stomach, Fidel was entirely unaffected.
16. Any food I leave on my coffee table for even a second- I once brought home one of my favorite sandwiches from Whole Foods (Turkey with brie and raspberry jam on Seeduction bread). I left it on my table for approximately one minute while I grabbed a drink in the kitchen. In one minute only, it disappeared. Completely.

To be continued…


~ by ladamesansregrets on March 22, 2008.

2 Responses to “The Fidel Fido Diet”

  1. This is one of the most adorable posts I have ever read.

  2. Ohh my God!! This is the cutest post I’ve ever read, seriously. What breed is Fidel? I have a dog named Fidel too, a Boston Terrier.

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