an open letter to my collaborator

i may have it.

searching for my next project has been like finding inspiration in a can of split pea soup. but in a moment, it came to me:

i want to explore secrets.

i’ve been sitting here meditating on things…topics…thoughts. points to discover…points to ponder. things that interest me…things that make my blood boil. things that turn me on. things that thrill me…and things that wrap me up and under like buttermilk crusts.

i find myself checking a thousand times over. just for distraction…and it hits me. i am fascinated by people’s secrets. not even the sort that people divulge anonymously on some public forum, but with a voyeuristic fascination nonetheless. i want to know the tiny secrets people carry with them everyday. the insignificant and momentous motivations… drawn like a chord from that tiny locked door in our hearts and minds. the secret reason i can’t stand the name ‘amanda.’ or why he has a scrawny blonde fetish. the secret reason he is driven to make his fortune. the reason she looks at pork and thinks of her first boyfriend. or why he cries when he sees his mother’s slippers in the closet. the reason my kitchen floor is the saddest place on earth to me.

i want to create a piece about secrets. an exploration, if you will. an expedition. perhaps vignettes. perhaps extracted scenes riffing on the theme…presented together through some loose connections…ties that bind. ties that break. ties that…untie. or unite.

am i sometimes too busy concerning myself with my own secrets to listen to the secrets around me? yes. absolutely. when i stop…when i remain silent, i can usually hear them. i hear them clearly. but i’ve been creating so much white noise lately. static. internal chaos spit out onto the tabletop and thrust into the room like a walrus in an aviary. my distractions reflected back in on myself. i’m ready for some silence…and then, the hum. the hum accompanying the stifled silence in the air…the suspended sentiments. of others. of myself.

let’s do this. i think you know what i want. i think you have the means to show…and feel…what i think…and need. let the hunt begin. who knows what we may find.


~ by ladamesansregrets on November 28, 2007.

2 Responses to “an open letter to my collaborator”

  1. to explain:
    in case you’ve never seen this website:

    and some info about the guy who started it:

    the idea is that people reveal their deep-dark secrets in an anonymous format. the interesting point is the lack of judgement one receives, regardless of the secret’s subject. (this means abuse, criminal activity, strange habits, lewd acts, etc)

    so, people feel free to post whatever…and it’s been this crazy phenomenon. people are dying to share their secrets. it’s almost unsavory. exploitive. commiseration on a mass scale. or perhaps healthy. and celebratory.

    the thing that’s absent is the reaction…the response to these secrets. the most fearsome thing about secrets…the very reason they are secrets in the first place. i think it might be an interesting exercise to request the submission of people’s secrets. and then, respond in turn. but not all responses filtered through me or ashley. perhaps invite the submission of secrets in an anonymous format and then, our putting a spin, our unique interpretation on what the secret is. sometimes involving judgement… sometimes not. as much as possible, not our personal judgement…but perhaps soliciting the responses of other uninvolved parties. in essence, taking it one step further. the very exercise explores the disconnect between’s someone’s emotions and motivations and how their manifestations are perceived by the outside world. not just a personal admission, but the contextual environment as well. one’s greatest fear realized and overcome. the examination of the distance between source and conclusion.

    perhaps an exercise in finding healthy ways to invite response to our darkest secrets….but instead of avoiding the fall-out, embracing it. and learning to use it. to learn from it. to reject it. whatever. in essence, grounding these revelations back in our sociological reality.

    this is not necessarily original. but i think interesting nonetheless. what is theatre anyway, but the theatre practicioner’s interpretation of a writer’s secret?

  2. While I won’t come out and put it out here on your blog, I do have a secret of my own that I think you might be able to use for this little project. Let’s open up a bottle at Corkscrew soon to discuss.

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